Les tam-tams de Montréal
Sometimes I wonder if I post pictures that say really positive things because I’m making up for shit I’ve done in the past. Quotes about acceptance and self-esteem problems… maybe the reason why these consistently show up on my blog is that I want to apologize for stupid decisions I made, and despicable ways I treated people in the past, but I can’t do it in person. This is the way I know how to express my sorrow. I feel a lot of regret for being the person I used to be. As maturity sets in, my changing brain brings up uncomfortable memories that remind me of bridges I’ve burned, and people that I lost touch with. I’ve ruined a lot of stuff in my life while figuring out who I want to be. I’m sorry.
tam tams today. quite the variety of people.
I am yearning for travel right now. I can just picture it in my head. A cozy little hostel somewhere on the outskirts of town, somewhere in England preferably. Cobblestone roads and little bookstores and cafés. Relaxing walks in a new forest, preferably on gloomy, rainy days. I don’t need big fancy attractions, or neon signs or big impressive buildings. I already have that and it’s a 20 minute walk from my apartment. I just want a new experience.
my bulldog Tulip
I used to hide my Internet activities from everybody. In middle school, I went on chat rooms and made new virtual friends (and had some creepy experiences, but who didn’t?). In high school when I went drinking, I had to ask people not to tag me in pictures with them so my parents wouldn’t find out about my disobedience. Any instance of swearing or partying or doing something “unholy” had to be hidden away, for my eyes only. In college, I started a blog where I could dump all my frustrations, think out loud and document all my drunken fun. I remember getting a Facebook message from an old family friend telling me they had found my blog and should make it more private so I wouldn’t get found out by my parents. She did however sympathize with me. “I’ve definitely been there,” she said.
Now I’m 21, and I don’t really want to hide these things anymore. My tumblog is full of things that I love and holds my opinions on just about everything. Part of me wants to post the link out on the Interwebs, invite people to follow me and catch up on my life. I don’t have anything to lose, now that I’ve grown up and don’t really give a shit what people think about my beliefs. You know, maybe I’ll go for it. I’m done living in secrecy, hiding my support for LGBTQ rights, abortion, feminism, and left-leaning ideals. Maybe one of these days I’ll just say fuck it. Because I’m not in middle school anymore. I’m in the real world mothertruckers
Graffiti near my apartment, on rue Prince-Arthur Ouest